Criminal
by Siren6
Summary: Just Faith's thoughts during '5x5' when she's torturing Wes, leading to her breakdown with Angel.


Criminal

Hey all. I don't know why, but I've been on a real Faith kick lately. I just can't help but love her character. Anyway, I don't own the song 'Criminal' by Alexz Johnson. Takes place during 'Five by Five'. Enjoy!

_I won't deny, I faked it._

_Don't wanna lie, I'm jaded._

_I wanna scream, when inside I'm breaking down._

_I've left the stone I was under._

_I'm running home; you won't find her._

_She walks alone all through this broken town._

Faith looked over at her battered watcher and tried to pinpoint an emotion in herself. Letting out a small sigh, she met the same thing she had before: she felt nothing. No remorse, no anger, no sadness. Nothing. She still felt cold and dead inside. _Hopefully this will give soul-boy the one push he needs to end it all. _Seeing him gazing at her through clouded, black and blue eyes, she ran and leapt onto his lap. She ignored his pained groan and licked her fingers, rubbing aggressively at his wounds. "All these little cuts and bruises...just brings out the mother in me," she said nonchalantly. _Funny. With my mom I often ended up in the same battered state that poor Wes is in. Well, that's in the past. She's dead and gone. And hopefully, I will be too. _Seeing that Wes was bordering on passing out, she grabbed his face and slapped his cheek. "Come on! Now, now, don't poop out on me, damn it! Otherwise this is all just going to be over too fast and you'll be dead, and I'll be...bored. C'mon Wesley! Where's that stiff upper lip?" Rolling her eyes, she got off of him and looked at him in disappointment.

"Now, we've only done one of the five basic torture groups." _I should know--I've seen them all done on my first watcher. _"We've done blunt--but that still leaves sharp, cold, hot and loud." She saw him watching her from his swollen and cut eyes. "Have a preference?" she asked. When he nodded she couldn't help but smile. "Well, that's great! It's always better with audience participation." She tugged the gag out of his mouth and saw him wince when it rubbed against his swollen and bleeding split lip. _What can I say, Wes? You make the perfect human punching bag. _"May I take your order please?" she asked with mock sweetness. Wesley spit a mouthful of blood on the floor beside them, and rolled his tired eyes up to meet her's. "I was your watcher Faith...I know the real you." Faith's cold demeanor faltered a bit and for a moment she allowed herself to look vulnerable. "And even if you kill me, there is just one thing I want you to remember," he said, his voice raspy from screaming through the gag.

"What's that, love?" Faith asked, her voice unusually soft. "You...are a piece of sh--" Feeling a wave of anger wash over her, she quickly stuffed the gag back in his mouth, taking extra care to be rough. "You should talk, huh? I guess I'll just have to try a little harder," she growled. Looking around, she spotted a picture frame and promptly shattered it. She picked up a jagged piece of glass and studied it for a moment. "We'll switch to sharp for a while," she said in a hollow voice.

_Going down a one-way street_

_Where the feeling is criminal._

_Nobody helps me out when I believe._

_Just a look, look, looking for someone like me._

_Where the feeling is mutual._

_'Cause anybody see what I see?_

_'Cause I don't see me._

Faith gripped the glass tightly and knelt in front of him. She saw the way his eyes widened at the sight of the weapon and felt a rush of satisfaction. "I'm the piece of shit, Wes? You're the one tied to a chair. You're the one who's about to bleed." She pressed the glass against his jugular for a second, then slid it down to his chest where she pressed it hard against his skin, drawing blood. She heard him moan loudly and pressed harder. "Feel free to moan all you want, Wes. It's only music to my ears," she said and made another shallow cut. She drew out the time it took her to make the cut for as long as possible. Over the next hour she watched his normally pristine shirt become soaked with his blood. "Oh dear. I guess I ruined your shirt," she said with a tilt of her head.

"Y'know Wes, you and everybody else always passed judgement on me. You didn't know anything about me--not that you ever bothered to find out anyway." She studied the piece of glass for a second before pressing it against his chest. "Did you know that I sometimes ended up in the same condition that you're in now? After all, when mom was drunk--which was most of the time--I was the one to blame for life's problems. I guess I survived it all 'cause I'm the slayer. But man, you should've seen her when she was trashed. All shouting and hitting...I'm surprised that I don't got any scars to show for it." She grinned to herself. "None that you can see, anyway." She drew a particularly long gash down Wesley's chest. "You could never hold a candle to my first watcher, Wes. She looked out for me like no one else ever did. Taught me to survive nearly every situation. Gave a damn about me."

She watched the blood rise and scratched her nails against the wound. She heard his breath become ragged with agony. "And then Kakistos butchered her," she said in a hollow tone. "Put her through all the torture groups. But throughout it all, she never screamed. Gotta admire that, right Wes? She died so I could escape. And now you're gonna die so I can escape again. Permanently." She smiled to herself, stood up and walked over to the window. "Funny how things work out."

_I blow away the ashes._

_I clear the space to look at him._

_He stole my name while I waited, lost and found._

_I found a place where I'll keep you._

_'Cause I won't live through you or beneathe you._

_I walk this way where the winds won't bring me down._

She sat down on the window sill and looked out into the busy city. The sun was setting. Angel would show up soon, looking to save his boy. She looked down at the bloodied piece of glass and sighed. _It'll be over soon. That's all that matters. One way or another, it'll be over. _She dropped the piece of glass, took one last look at the city, then walked over to Wesley. He was still hanging onto consciousness. Gotta admire that. "That was refreshing. But I'm a little cold," she said and patted Wes on the cheek. "What do you say we warm the place up?" She walked to the kitchen and picked up a lighter. "Did you ever wonder if things would've been different...if we'd never met? What if you'd had Buffy and Giles had been my watcher? You think you'd still be here right now? Or would Giles be sitting in that chair? Or is it just like fate? Y'know, there is no choice. You were gonna be here no matter what."

She picked up a spray can and studied it. "You think about that stuff? Fate and destiny? I don't," she lied and pressed down on the spray can and lit it with a lighter. She made sure Wesley could see the flames and saw the fear reflected in his eyes. "Not that any of this is your own fault," she said softly. _I was fucked up from the beginning. Nothing can change that. Not fate or destiny or Buffy's friendship. Nothing. Best to go out with a bang, right boss? _"Since this might be the last chance we'll have to unload on each other, I feel that it's kind of my duty to tell you that if you'd been a better watcher, I might've been a more positive role model!" She pressed on the spray can again and watched the flames erupt.

"Face it Wesley, you really were a jerk. Always walking around as if you had some great, big stake rammed up your English Channel." Feeling a bit of anger rising in her during her rant, she pulled the gag out of his mouth. "I think I wanna hear you scream." Wes stared up at her defiantly, despite his weakness and fear. Strength. She respected that. "You never will," she spat. She couldn't help but grin and leaned down to him. "Admit it, Wesley. Didn't you always kind of have the hots for me?" His eyes narrowed and they both started at the sound of the door being kicked down. Faith leapt behind Wesley, a knife pressed against the watcher's throat. "About time, soul-boy. Ready to play now?" Angel nodded solemnly. "I'm ready."

_Going down a one-way street_

_Where the feeling is criminal._

_Nobody helps me out when I believe._

_Just a look, look, looking for someone like me._

_Where the feeling is mutual._

_'Cause anybody see what I see?_

_'Cause I don't see me._

Faith felt somewhat uneasy. It was finally time. "Okay, you showed. But how do I know you're really in this? I mean, if I kill him would that help or just be really funny?" she asked. "You don't think I know what you're after? I do," he said from his place at the doorway. A part of Faith felt shaken at this, but she stayed strong. _He may know, but he'll still have to go through with it. His boy's life is at stake here. _"You, I have to kill. Wesely's just for the hell of it," she said, ignoring him. He began walking toward her and she moved beside Wesley to keep him in sight. "This isn't about Wesley. This is about you and me," he said, his eyes never leaving her's. _Smart, soul-boy. _"No baby, he's payback," she lied.

"For what? I thought you were happy with the way you are. By the way, you never told me how much I'm worth dusted. Just out of curiosity." Faith ignored the first part of his statement. _I'll never be happy with myself. I'll never be happy. _"Fifteen thousand, plus expenses," she answered. She saw Angel try to hold back a smile. "You're kidding." She shrugged. "Hey, I'm young, willing to work my way up." _Or six feet under, depending on how this ends. _"You feel young, do you Faith? You're looking pretty worn out to me." Faith's eyes narrowed. _What am I, an open book? _

It was then that Wesley threw himself backwards and away from Faith. Angel took the opportunity to kick her away from him. She let her instincts take over and felt the familiar adrenaline rush. _Here we go, lover. _Faith grabbed a piece of wood and began her attack, punching, kicking and thrusting the stake at him whenever she could. Her movements were quick and prescise, but not quick enough. Angel managed to get the stake away from her and she felt a burst of anger. Slaying was her job. Why couldn't she dust him like she could all the others? _Then again, I've been out of the slaying loop for a while. Humans were my specialty until recently. _

_Let me be._

_Staying at all._

_Don't waste it on me._

_'Cause if I take a chance..._

_And if I hurt again..._

_And if I let you leave..._

_Be my wreckoning. _

Angel tossed Faith onto the sofa and she kicked the coffee table up, breaking it on his knee. "Is that all you got, vampire? Get in the game!" She leapt at him, wrapped her legs around his waist and slammed him into the wall. She heard him shout in pain and felt a small burst of satisfaction. _Pain is my gift, baby. _She continued beating him until they fell to the ground with Faith on top. "Come on, Angel! I thought you were bad!" Angel grabbed her wrists and threw her off of him. She grabbed the nearest lamp and tried to hit him with it, but he was too quick and dodged the blow. She grabbed him and threw him over the sofa and across the room. She smashed the lamp over his back and threw him against the cieling before he had a chance to recover.

She tried to hit him but he avoided her blows. She kicked him in the gut, hearing him grunt in pain and threw him over the sofa again. "You can't take me! No one can take me!" she shouted. _No one can hurt me anymore! _After he managed to avoid another kick, she grabbed him and threw him into a glass case. _Come on, Angel! End this! _Faith growled when Angel grabbed her and threw her across the room. _That's more like it! _She grabbed another piece of wood and held it up. "Come on!" she shouted. Angel rushed at her, grabbed her around the waist and threw both of them out of the window. Faith felt the familiar sensation of falling and let out a grunt when her back hit the lid of a dumpster and her body rolled to the ground. Damn. If that dumpster hadn't been there, she might not have survived the fall. Too bad.

She quickly got to her feet and thew Angel away from her. She had lost all sense of what she was doing and began running on pure rage and emotion. "You're gonna die!" she screamed and swung at him again. Her punches made contact, but they weren't as strong. She didn't notice that the rain began to pour and continued fighting. "You hear me? You don't know what evil is! I'm bad! Fight back!" she shouted, punching and throwing him. _Please, fight back! _Angel grabbed hold of her arm. "Nice try, Faith." He tossed her away from him and walked over to her. "I know what you want." She punched him and he mearly threw her away again. "I'm not gonna make it easy for you." She continued punching him, but it was useless now. Her punches were clumsy and didn't make much of an impact.

She thew herself at him, grabbing the lapels of his jacket and shaking him. "I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil! Do you hear me? I'm bad! Angel, I'm bad!" She beat at his chest, the dam inside her finally breaking. A torrent of emotions broke threw her and she burts into tears. A sob tore threw her throat as she continued to hit him. "I'm ba-ad! Do you hear me? I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad! Please! Angel, please...just do it!" She shook him again, blinded by her tears. "Angel, please just do it. Just do it. Just kill me! Just kill me..." Angel wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, holding her tightly. She overbalanced the both of them and they fell to their knees. She faught back for a second before collapsing completely and holding onto him for dear life.

"Shh. It's alright. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here, shh..." he whispered, holding her shaking form. Faith gripped his jacket tightly, feeling completely broken. She tried to form a thought, but was unable to. Everything that she had locked away and tried to protect herself from was now consuming her. _Oh God..._ She clung to him as she wept for all she was worth with the rain pouring and the thundering roaring above them.

_Going down a one-way street_

_Where the feeling is criminal._

_Nobody helps me out when I believe._

_Just a look, look, looking for someone like me._

_Where the feeling is mutual._

_'Cause anybody see what I see?_

_'Cause I don't see me._

_-Fin-_


End file.
